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| (One year ago, sitting up all night talking about missions) |
One year ago I came to Jackson with a friend to learn. I had
intensions to learn about local missions in your community and take that back
to England. I was trying to make a living as a maternity nurse, while working
four other jobs. In my head, I was done with missions overseas and I planned to
settle in England, I was having fun and I didn’t plan on leaving.
While visiting We Will Go, I ate up everything that was in
front of me. I loved every part of the ministry and enjoyed my time with the
missionaries, observing everything they did, learning about how to be a healthy
missionary. They would sometime joke with me about applying to be a missionary
in Jackson, even being specific with what role. I shut them down every time,
not appreciating the jokes that had a serious side to them – Just being honest
with my attitude! :)
I came to Jackson with lots fear of being a missionary again,
trying to protect myself from anything that might lead me back to exhaustion
and survival mode. I learnt lots from Pemba, mainly how much we need God and we
actually can’t do anything by ourselves! As I have said many times, I love
Pemba and I love the people there so much! I just did some things wrong, which,
I have learnt from.
So, as I had just had a little over a year back in England
to reflect and process, my thoughts were that it would be stupid to put myself
in that place again. I have an education and I want to use it in England,
focusing on local missions.
This time last year, little did I know that God was going to
change my life all over again. Healing me from fear and taking me so much
deeper in Him. Things I had put up as a self-protection was only done out of
fear. The reasons not to be a missionary again were really excuses.
Jesus took my hand and showed me gently.
He showed me how to get ‘out of the boat’ and walk on water
with Him. He took me to Matthew 14 and talked to me so deeply with it.
It was
beautiful what He did in and through me.
One year later and my name is down to help lead a bible
study. I shouldn’t have been surprised at the fact that the chapter I had to
teach on was Matthew 14.
It has been a beautiful year of facing fears, going deeper
with Jesus, allowing Him to go to those deep places that I couldn’t go on my
own.
Those parts of my heart that I had shut off, now became His.
This year has been me selling everything, still leaning on
Him in faith that I was going to make it financially. Moving to another
country, meeting new people in a new community. Learning new skills, like
becoming a barista and learning how to shoot a 3 pointer in basketball. Got my
wisdom teeth out, facing the fear of surgery and overcoming it with Jesus.
Learning more and more about how to do my role in Hospitality. Most of all I
have learnt more of how to Love.
As I got out the boat, with storms all around me, I learnt
to keep my eyes on Him. As I see those eyes of fire I can’t help but see His
love for me. As I learn more about how He loves me, as He stretches me and my
capacity. This then can overflow on to others, therefore none of it is me, in
my strength, but all through Him.
These last 9 months of being in Jackson, I have lived in
Love house, which has been so fitting. But a new year and a new season is upon
me. This week I have moved across the road (literally) to Faith house. Faith
house is our intern house, which is about to be full!
I will be serving there as part of my everyday life as a
house mum to all the new interns! In this I am thankful for this last year of
God getting rid of fears, showing me more and more of how much He loves me.
What a great year!!
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