21 days....

The year started, and so did our team’s fast. Each person spent time with the Lord asking Him what they were going to fast. I knew straight away that I was meant to fast coffee, which I struggled with not being enough. Some were on liquid fasts, no sugar or Daniel fasts. And I was only giving up coffee. However, to do anymore would have been fear of man. So I started.

I woke with headaches and stayed grumpy, as my body started to withdraw from the caffeine. The tiredness didn’t disappear during the day, while at the same time things got busier, so in all of this I was struggling. Plus God was waking me early (3/4am) a lot of mornings. They were sweet times with Him, but the days without coffee made it hard.

I appreciate that not everyone understands what not having no caffeine is like after relying on it for a good few years. And that some might be smiling and thinking ‘Oh Ruth’, in love of course. I would say the same to those who were in my situation. However, this fast was a hard one.

 So what was the point of it? Did God just want me to suffer and find things hard for a bit? I don’t believe so, not because I know Him better than that, but I saw the fruit. 

I started the year by writing a thank you card to God. This sounds weird I know, but as I wrote thank you cards to those who gave me Christmas gifts it came to my head something that someone said…’We don’t ever write thank you cards to God, why is that?. So I sat down and wrote out a thank you letter. I positioned myself in a place of thankfulness to commune more with my Father.

Little did I know that being thankful is exactly what I needed during the hard times in the fast. The times that I had people swearing at me and getting frustrated at me out of fear and frustration, I sat back and thanked God that they took it out on me rather than anyone else. I thanked God that this was a safe place that they could show some feelings. I thanked God that I had a family around me and we were all on the same page, they supported and they helped me teach simple skills, like dealing with anger. That I had a family around me that prayed with me, to ask the Lord what the root problem was behind this person getting angry. I thanked God for the times I had to lean on Him, as it reminded me again that I have a God that wants me to lean on them! He really does want that!

He is there as my stronghold and protector through it all and He wants me to draw close in intimacy.

There was one weekend that was one of the hardest weekends I think I have had, so I sat in worship and cried out to Him. Like really cried…snot and tears with my big ugly crying face. And this is what He gave me…

‘You’ve captured my heart, dear friend.

    You looked at me, and I fell in love.

    One look my way and I was hopelessly in love!

How beautiful your love, dear, dear friend—

    far more pleasing than a fine, rare wine,

    your fragrance more exotic than select spices.’

Song of songs 4v9,10

In another translation, it says, ‘you have stolen my heart’. Through my hurt and crying out to Him, He picked me up and told me how much He loves me. He gave me the sword of truth to cut through the hard stuff.

He asks me to go into the dark places that, without Jesus I wouldn’t go near. And I get to say ‘Yes’ with a thankful heart. I get to tell my flesh to be quiet as I cut through all lies with the sword of truth. That He loves me so deeply, just from one look in my eye.

He is equipping me so well.