I have no idea...

Who of you guys feel like the more you grow in God, the more you feel like you have no idea what you are doing?  It seems like the more I surrender to Him, the more unqualified I feel. Yet the more I feel like His daughter and I act less like an orphan.

Sounds strange hey? But the more control He has, the better things go.

Learning once again. Always.

I received some bad news yesterday. My friend and fellow for years died of a hepatitis virus in the night (our early morning, America's night). She had been sent home from hospital as there was nothing they could do. She was taken from this earth earlier than she should have been.

She was part of the admin team for the missions school here, so for three years (2008 – 2011) I emailed her every day. She was such a stable; lovely team member and I will truly miss her.

I assumed she would be around for years. I should have talked to her more over this last year since I last saw her in Pemba in 2012.

Yesterday I was just in shock that she was gone. It was so bizarre how she was alive one day and gone the next. I wept and mourned for the loss of a friend, and as I was doing so, I had a picture of her in heaven standing next to Jesus. They were looking at me and she was asking me why I was crying. She was so happy to be in heaven and to be with Jesus. To be home.

God is totally in control.

I know bad things happen to good people, and I can’t answer why. But I can say God is good, even when I loose a friend. Because right now she isn’t sick anymore and she isn’t in pain. She is dancing with the one true God in freedom and in light.

So may I give more control to Him, even when I feel unqualified. As He is totally qualified and He is all I need.

I can't, He can, We will

The calm before the storm...

Annnnnnnddddddd I’m back. There has been a long delay since I last wrote an update, please don’t be offended. Between preparing for children’s day, children being sick and having IV’s connected with the help of bamboo sticks and an extra 400 people coming on the base for the missions school. It has been a tad busy around here. But I still think of you all, even when I can’t write.

But for now…let me tell you about the day we got Natanael.

It was a normal morning apart from the fact that it was more peaceful. I walked over to work once up and dressed. Got some milk and cookies for my kids on the way from the little bamboo shack that sells all things nice. I enjoyed the sea as it looked like glass; I wanted to go over to walk on it. I enjoyed the fact that I got to walk past the fish tree without the fisherman chatting me up. It was such a peaceful morning. Then suddenly it hit. It was too quiet. I quietly whispered in my head, ‘God…it’s too quiet, today’s going to be crazy isn’t it?’

I stepped onto base and gave the milk and cookies to the baby house, all seemed fine. I was on my way to the toddler house to give them their milk and cookies but I stopped at the children’s office first. There were around ten people outside and others inside. One person was holding what looked just like a piece of capulana (the material skirts African’s use). But wrapped inside was this little bundle, this beautiful baby boy. So vulnerable and only hours old. After a talk with our children’s director they all got in the car and went to social services.

Then started my craziness.

I got into the baby house and started preparing…’Tia’s, we are getting a newborn, prepare bottles, prepare the bed, get clothes…this is not a drill!’ And about 30 minuets later this tiny bundle turns up at our door. He’s handed to me and the family leaves to sort the body of his mother.

Sadly the mother died during birth because she was at home alone while she was in labor. She was found soon after by her family on the floor, with this precious baby laying next to her in the dirt…still attached to her.

We clean him up as he was covered in dirt and take him straight to the local clinic. His umbilical cord was re-tied as the family had tied it with a piece of capulana. He is weighed (1.5kg) and then given his first bottle of milk, which he didn’t really take to start with.

We wait for our ride back to the base and as I am doing this I stare at him, worshiping God and thanking Him that he saved Natanael’s life. I am reminded of the story of Samuel and how he was set apart for God. I then named him Nathaniel as that means ‘chosen by God.’ In Portuguese his name is Natanael.

Later that day we decided he will come home with me for a couple of nights until we can sort our Tia’s and make sure there is someone just for him. During my first night with him I don’t sleep until 3:30am as he suddenly decides that night that he is actually hungry and would like to start feeding. A relief to all! As I sit up with him I keep worship all night, I pray with him, I mourn the loss of his mother with him and pray all the trauma off him. I look at him and see such a vulnerable, small person that has been set apart for a big, grand purpose.

He is a son of the great big God.

Other things happened that day on our base. One of our Tia’s husband died, one of our children was getting set free and having demonic fits. Our department head was still mourning the loss of her brother, that died very suddenly the week before so she was crying on and off throughout the whole day.

It was a crazy day for all, but new life happened. New promises and new declarations.  The 6^th June will always be remembered. I for one will not remember it for the chaos and death. But for our new little gift.

Natanael.