So the count down begins - still looking at leaving on the 26th. Still no ticket and money
for Visas, no guarantee that I will have a monthly income and only a half
packed suitcase. Should I be worried? Not a chance!
When I got back from my two-week trip to Jackson,
Mississippi I finally got to that point where I fully took in that God is going
to send me back to be a long-term missionary. I came up with so many reasons
why I shouldn’t go and why it properly isn’t God that I am hearing so clearly.
(The point of denial is always a pointless place to go; yet I go there often) I
looked at my finances and laughed, I was struggling with living I the UK, while
working and yet God wanted me to get on a plane and move, living by faith on
the missions field once again?! I felt like Sarah laughing at God telling
Abraham that they were going to get pregnant at their grand age. It wasn’t
possible.
I could laugh all I wanted, it was happening.
See, I have given my life to God, I give Him full permission
to do what he likes, to use me and form me. I have done this, as I know He is
good. I have witnessed His goodness time and time again.
So I surrendered to Him once again, laughing, but walking it
out. I opened the doors that needed to be opened to become a missionary with
‘We Will Go.’ In this process God also asked me to give up lots of paid work,
allowing me to only continue with two small jobs. For me this didn’t go hand in
hand. Somehow I need to survive in the UK for the next three months plus save
for moving to America. So I laughed some more and made a few phone calls. The
walking this out in faith thing was to start already, and I saw His provision
daily in greater ways than before.
He holds me so gently in His hands, that I feel Him taking
care of me at each step.
I went to my friends house in London one weekend to
celebrate her birthday. We spent lots of time chilling and eating lots of food,
which is something we do every time we are together. We talk about deep things
along with the everyday things. Somehow we get in to the topic of Switzerland.
I mention that it is my ‘bucket list’ destination and I had always admired the
photos others had taken of that place. 5 days later I get a phone call from
another friend who had no idea about this conversation that they would like to
bless me with a weekend away to Switzerland. My mind is blown. Jesus has
totally taken the wheel with my life. Not only does he provide but also He
gives me a time of rest and play in one of the most beautiful countries in the
world. I was in awe of God’s beauty daily.
Giving it all to Him is an adventure.
While in Switzerland we were driving around the vineyards,
looking over beautiful lakes and the Swiss Alps in the background. I started
singing Martin Smith’s song ‘Song of Solomon’. There was one line in it that I
kept repeating.
‘Beauty wrap you arms around me, sing your song of kindness, I need
you’
I asked God why I was singing this. The last time I was
singing this song was when I was very sick, in hospital with no energy. I had
just gone through shock and trauma after an emergency surge‘because I always want you to need me’. I cried. I think back to
how passionately I was crying out to Him in those days at the hospital, that
should be a daily thing. It shouldn’t take the hard times in life for us to
say, God I need you. When I am surrounded by His beauty, I should cry out to
Him and say, ‘Lord I need this beauty of yours to wrap its arms around me, in
your kindness because I need you.’
I want to be totally undone that I need Him in everything,
because I have given Him everything.
I am calling out to Him daily. I need you. I need a ticket,
I need a monthly income, I need finances for my visas, I need daily bread to
eat. Most of all, my Lord, I need you.
You call me out the boat to walk on this wavy water, and I
will daily, looking into your eyes of love for me.
Once in Jackson, Mississippi I shall be overseeing
hospitality. So when people come to visit the ministry I do the communication
before hand, look after them when they are there sorting their schedule so they
can get involved in all areas plus many other things. I will also be getting
involved with many other areas, but hospitality will be the main thing. So excitement
is rising as I get closer to my next season.
Please keep in contact while I am away, I will be updating
this blog regularly and will be making videos when I can, simply because I like
to. Prayers are always so needed and would love it if you could pray regularly for
me as well.
